The Musings of a Magyar

I was reminded of one of my favorite jokes during today’s Gospel.

Jesus was teaching in the Temple area.  The Scribes and Pharisees brought before Him a woman who had been caught in adultery.  They said they were going to stone her in accordance with the law of Moses and wanted Jesus’s opinion.  Jesus realizes that they’re trying to test Him, and also sees a very good teaching moment here.  So first he bent down and began to write on the ground with His finger.  Then He said “let the one among you who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.”  The elders all stood there dumbfounded and began to walk away.  Suddenly a huge rock comes flying through the air and hits the adulteress square between the eyes, knocking her down, dead.

Jesus rolled His eyes, looks out into the crowd, breathed a huge sigh, and said, “Muuuuhhhh-theeeerrr, I was trying to make a point here!”

For the record, the Christmas song “Mary Did You Know” is far from my favorite Christmas song, especially given the bad theology (e.g. “this child that you delivered would soon deliver you”) scattered here and there.

That being said, the other day the song randomly popped into my head while praying the rosary, and I kind of went back to the thought after finishing and pondered it some more.

The Angel appeared to Mary and gave the message.  “Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his Kingdom there will be no end.”  Hearing those words Mary responds “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord.  May it be done to me according to your word.”

At no point does Mary hear, prior to accepting her role in this plan, that her baby’s throne on Earth would be a cross, or that his crown would be made of thorns.  It isn’t until nine months and 40 days later that Simeon made the profound statements about the child being destined for the fall and rise of many, that he will be a sign that will be contradicted, and that a sword would pierce Mary herself.  All we ever hear of this is that Mary kept these things in her heart.

What might Mary have been thinking the moment Simeon uttered those prophetic words?  Did she maybe think he was crazy?  Maybe thinking or hoping he was wrong?  Did she go home scared?  What kind of conversation did Mary and Joseph have on their way back from the temple that day?  That night after Jesus went to bed?  Did Mary wonder if, in hindsight, she shouldn’t have asked for more info from Gabriel before simply saying “yes”?

Did she have any idea that some day, she’d be following her son down the via crucis?  Did she expect that she too would endure the passion with Him?

It just goes to show that no matter what, we must be open to doing God’s will, and be prepared for change.  And just when we have things figured out, whether it may be for our own lives or for those of our children, we have to be prepared that nothing will come out as we expect.

That’s probably a good thing.  Because if the Angel Gabriel spelled it all out for Mary, she probably would have become overwhelmed.  And instead of “be it done unto me according to thy word” Gabriel probably would have gotten an “uhh, let me get back to you on that.”

Every couple of weeks lately we’ve been receiving memos at work announcing some reorganizations and restructurings within the upper echelons.  Things like “so-and-so is moving on to other opportunities.  X will assume responsibility for the team going forward.”  Or “to better align our resources, we are making the following changes: X will now assume overall responsibility for abc.  Y will take over X’s old job while still working on his current job, though part of it will transition to W in the next few months.”  The new org chart looks about as convoluted as a map of roads and settlements in  Settlers of Catan.  And a few weeks later it changes again.  I’m sure anyone who has been in the corporate world has seen such things.  Makes you wonder how any bigshots actually get any work done, since they’re so busy transitioning their duties to others all the time.

So, I wondered what it might be like in the hereafter.  And so I got to work imagining a corporate restructuring memo from Heaven.

*************

MEMO

To:  All Angels (of all levels) and Saints

From: Gabriel the Archangel, Vice-President of Communications

Date: Now [because Heaven is an Eternal Now]

Re: Organizational announcement

With the recent canonizations of several new saints and the naming of several more beati, the following organizational changes will take place to further streamline our efficiencies and to strive toward our goals.

I’m pleased to announce that Teresa of Calcutta is being assigned full-time to the Missionaries department.  She will focus primarily on combatting the continued loss of faith in Europe and in the United States.  Joining Teresa will be John Neumann and Elizabeth Seton to head up the the United States effort, and John Paul (nee Karol) Wojtyla to head up the European effort.  Therese of Lisieux will remain the principal patron of missionaries and will work closely with Teresa, John, Liz, and JP.

Teresa’s current duties in the Poor and Sick department will be assumed by Anthony of Padua and Martin de Porres pending the canonization of Damien of Moloki.  Juan Diego is being promoted to manager in the poor indigenous peoples department and will collaborate extensively with Katharine Drexel.  Raphael the Archangel will continue to provide oversight. 

We anticipate continued growth in the Missionaries department.  Anyone interested in a transfer should discuss with Personnel.  A class is also forming within Purgatory for eventual assignment, pending completion of all necessary purgation.

Please join me in wishing all of these individuals the best of luck in their new roles.

So the new building we work at has LCD TVs in the cafeteria and in several of the break rooms.  I popped into one of the break rooms to refill my water jug, and hear the sound of a bell.  As in it sounds like Sanctus Bells.  I’m thinking, what the heck is that?

I turn to look at the TV and see the Mass on EWTN!  The priests were receiving Communion at the time, and the choir was getting ready to start the Communion chant.  There was nobody else in the room at the time, so I couldn’t see who set the TV to EWTN.

So, now I want to know who in this office is a sufficiently devout Catholic to set the TV to EWTN to catch the Mass. 

I’m also waiting for the memo from HR that it will be illegal going forward to watch that channel….

Edit:  Well this is slightly disappointing.  Found out that someone changed the TV to EWTN as a prank.    Since I’m friends with said person, I will not wish him 1,000 years in Purgatory for such a cruel prank.  On the other hand, I might just go into a break room and flip it to EWTN at some point for a little booster.

Making its way through the blogosphere is the news about Former President Bill Clinton not understanding the concept of fertilization, and apparently clueless that an embryo has already been fertilized.  If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already seen the story and the YouTube video and know that he repeatedly says stuff about how the embryos for stem cell research are not yet fertilized and will never become fertilized, and there’s no “conceivable scenario [ba-dum-ching] … that would allow them to be fertilized and become little babies.”

I’m not surprised.

This is a man who gets hung up on the meaning of the word “is.”  And we expect him to understand that difference between an egg and an embryo?

I gave the PREP kids a retest the other week as a second chance to get the Gifts of the Holy Spirit and 10 Commandments right, since they did relatively poorly on their test.  I guess I’m a nice guy like that.

I decided to concoct two scenarios that they might face in real life , and ask them questions about the Gifts and Commandments.  Situation 1 was you’re with a group of friends and they want to sneak into a movie without paying and asked what Gift they would use to determine that doing so is wrong, and what would help them stand up to peer pressure.  Then I asked what Commandment they would break if they snuck in.

One student answered “#6.  Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.”  Hmmmmm, the way some people act in theaters, that may be possible.  Likewise if the movie were rated R or NC-17, there’s a possibility too.

Scenario 2 involved going to Mass each week.  To demonstrate piety, I asked what Gift of the Holy Spirit you employ when you actively participate and join in singing the songs at Mass.

One student answered fortitude/courage.

I gave him full credit.

Dear President Obama,

As the economy continues to sour, and as the Federal government continues to spend copious amounts of money, I’m sure you’ve been counseled that it’s time to rein in the spending on some things if the U.S.A. has any chance of ever being fiscally solvent.

I wanted to talk about your overturning of the ban on federal funding of Embryonic Stem Cell Research.  Let us agree to disagree on the morality of such research.  I am convinced that ESCR is morally wrong; you are not.  So let us not review this from a moral perspective.  Let’s think practically.  Despite being ballyhooed as the panacea to everything from Alzheimer’s to  Yellow Fever, no research has come close to solving any of our health problems using embryonic stem cells.

So, let’s be frank.  It ain’t working.  Now, when every penny counts for a lot of us, why should we spend money on it?  Why not withold federal funding from this, so that more money can go into economic reviatlization?  As I mentioned, eventually something’s going to have to get cut to start paying the bills.  Why not start with ESCR?  If someone out there can demonstrate that it actually has worked, then maybe reconsider (at which point I’ll try the moral argument again).

But for now, why waste money on this?  Why now?

Yours sincerely,

Me

There’s a new Geico commercial out there where what I assume is supposed to be the president or other big mugwump at Geico is talking to the gecko about how the company is apparently trusted, and they need to promote that Geico is the company people trust.  Then, the president suggests they engage in one of those “trust building ” activities wherein the president will fall backward off his desk into the waiting arms of the gecko, fully trusting the little bugger will catch him.

This brings back a flurry of memories of “team building” exercises like that.  I’ve lost count of how many activities growing up featured such things where you were expected to just engage in some dangerous activity trusting that the rest of your team will be there to protect you.  The Boy Scouts were especially fond of this, and I remember it also being featured as part of my Confirmation retreat.  (How hurling ourself off the edge of a platform into the arms of a bunch of fellow 7th graders was supposed to prepare us to be sealed and strengthened by the outpouring of the Holy Spirit is anyone’s guess.)

Now, I am a klutz.  I am perfectly capable of tripping and falling accidentally, so there’s really no reason for me to purposely throw myself off the edge of a platform to see if I get banged up.  Add to that my general fear of heights, and suffice it to say I avoided participating in any such activities as much as possible, even when it was considered “mandatory.”  Then came the nagging — what’s the matter, don’t you trust us?  Aren’t you a team player? You have to do this, we’ll have much more respect for you if you at least tried it.  Whatever.  To my credit, I DID participate in a trust walk on a retreat once — where people were partnered up and one was blindfolded and the other led him around the grounds avoiding obstacles and such.  But nothing involving heights.

Maybe I just take the words of the Gospel quite seriously.  When Satan took Jesus tp the parapet of the temple and suggested He hurl Himself down and see if God will send angels to protect Him lest he dash His foot against a stone, Jesus replied that it’s also written that you should not put God to the test.  I see enough of a parallel here; no testing God for me!

On further reflection, I don’t know how people think these activities actually build trust.  I was paired up with a compete stranger on the trust walk, and don’t think I even remember his name right now.  Sure, I “trusted” him when he was leading me around, but he also “trusted” me when it was my turn.  On my confirmation retreat, or on those scout events, I could have “trusted” that the other kids would catch me, just as each of them “trusted’” the rest of us would catch them as they took a turn.  And afterward, I still wouldn’t have loaned a dime to any of them with any expectation that I might get repaid.

These activities don’t build trust.  They really are only examples of the threat of mutually assured distruction.  If I’m a guide on a trust walk and he hits a low tree branch, I know when I’m the blind one I’m going to end up falling into a muddy ditch.  And if I’m the one catching the kid falling from the platform, if I don’t do my best to keep him from hitting his head, I know when it’s my turn, I’m eating dirt. 

Suppose instead of a blind trust walk, the retreatmasters instead decided that we would have to tell our partner some private, potentially embarrassing detail about our lives and trust him to keep it secret.  Would you?  Probably only if you could get some equallyembarrassing secret out of him so that if he blabs, you can blab too.  Otherwise, forget it!

Trust is built and earned over time, not instantly there because someone says it ought to be.  I’m blessed with many close friends who I would trust implictly with just about anything – be the keys to my car or my bank PIN or a personal/emotional issue.  That trust developed over time, and as our friendships developed.  Not simply because I hurled my body at the group of them and they caught me.

Several Catholic blogs out there have, over the years, done polls where they ask people on Mardi Gras or Ash Wednesday to respond in the comments about what they intend to do during the upcoming Lent.  I’m sure we’ve all seen them, and maybe have responded to them as well.

Invariably, people seem to go into overdrive when they list out what they’re doing.  Not picking out any particular blog or commenter, but I’ve seen individuals write things like “I’m going to recite the entire divine office every day, fast completely from food on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, eat only bread and water on Tuesdays and Thursdays, pray all 20 decades of the Rosary every day, go to Daily Mass, read through and meditate daily on the entire New Testament, reread the Catechism, go to Confession every week, Stations on Wednesdays and Fridays, oh, and I’ll try not to swear so much.”  Okay, that may be a stretch, but if you read some of these comments, it’s not much of a stretch.

This leads me to one of the following conclusions:

• I am not nearly holy enough in my Lenten praxis.
• These people are boasting too much.  They might want to reread the gospel about the publican and the Pharisee.
• These people are hiding behind a fake screenname and have probably REALLY only given up eating birthday cake, except on someone’s birthday.  Or they’ve decided to limit themselves to one cup of coffee per day, and have their special “Lenten Coffee Cup” that holds 64 oz all set for the season.
• These folks have bitten off much more than they can chew, and by the First Sunday of Lent they’ll be down to maybe remembering an extra Hail Mary at bedtime, and by Laetare Sunday they’ll maybe remember Grace Before Meals.

Which brings me to an interesting observation.  I have yet to see a poll to ask people what they actually did for Lent.  It would be interesting, on Holy Saturday, to compare and contrast what people said they’d do to what they actually did.

More Lenten musings to follow.  (Maybe.  We’ll see on Holy Saturday if that actually happens.)

When I see a sign at the grocery store that indicates that something (say in the produce department where they hand-create the signs) costs .99¢, I am really tempted to put 100 of them in my cart, go up to the cashier, hand him/her a dollar, ask for a penny change, and walk out of the store.

If you’re going to indicate something is less than a buck, there are two ways to do it.  Either a dollar sign with a leading zero, a decimal point, and then the price as a decimal of a dollar — e.g. $0.99  OR indicating a whole number of cents — e.g 99¢.

But to say that something cost .99¢ means I can buy it for a fraction of a penny.   And before anyone argues about how there is no denomination of currency less than 1 cent and that it should be clearly obvious that they mean it’s 99 cents, I counter with the following: one gallon of gasoline will still cost you something and nine tenths of a cent.

Some day, I am going to gather up enough nerve to argue with the cashier about that, and get the store to honor their price accuracy policy.  Either start training your employees on some basic second-grade math, or get ready to start selling things for 100 times less than you intended to charge.