The Musings of a Magyar

Yeah, you. The guy or girl who apparently has nothing better to do than to develop malware to wreak havoc with other people’s PC’s. You need a life. Seriously.  And this is coming from someone who often goes to sleep by 9:00 p.m. on weekends.

I admit, you have some pretty savvy skills to be able to create something so undetectable and indestructible.  But why?  Couldn’t you use your talents for something else?  Like making a version of Microsoft Excel that doesn’t crash?  What possible pleasure do you get from developing this crap?  You can’t claim ownership, or else you’d be lynched.  You have no idea who has been infected by your garbage, so you can’t keep score.  Unless you lurk on all the super-geek message boards where people like me submit their pleas for help and laugh maniacally with every new post.  In which case, again, I repeat: you need a life.

So what makes you write such malicious programs?  Are you that bored with your life?  Do you have nothing better to do with your time?  Maybe you should look into some volunteer opportunities then.  I’m sure a lot of non-profits would benefit from some computer geek’s help.

Does it make you happy to know that I spent the better part of two days trying to disinfect my PC, and I don’t think I’ve been successful?  Because I tell you what: it’s made me pissed as hell.

And hell is exactly where you probably belong.  For all eternity.  In fact, I’m about ready to wish an eternity on you that is so painful you’ll be looking at Judas with envy.  But I can’t do that.  But I don’t think I’d be in too much trouble if I wished you a long time in Purgatory for this.  So maybe that’s what I’ll do.

Just be careful.  You might not get someone so charitable next time.  Good luck if you get stuck with someone who believes in voodoo dolls.

Christmas always has certain traditions that we all like to adhere to, and at the parish of my youth, that is usually no exception.  The musical lineup for the Christmas Masses has been pretty much the same as long as I can remember (which is probably the 7th grade).

• The opening song is O Come All Ye Faithful, starting with the first verse in Latin then going to 3 verses in English.
• The Gloria is recited at most every Mass in the church, but at Midnight Mass they’ll do the Melodic Gloria.
• Psalm 98 “All the Ends of the Earth” using the Haugen and Haas setting.
• Celtic Alleluia using the versicle for Midnight Mass (I proclaim to you news of great joy…) adapted to the meter of the Celtic Alleluia
• O Little Town of Bethlehem is the Offertory Hymn — though this one has had a few years off and could be swapped out by Angels we have Heard on High, and a couple years someone must have been on drugs and decided to give Go Tell It On the Mountain a whirl).
• The Mass of Creation is used for the Sanctus, Memorial Acclamation, etc.  This is the de facto setting for anything festive in the parish.
• Silent Night is the Communion Hymn — At Midnight Mass, the choir does this in multiple languages; at others we go in English.
• Following this, if it’s Midnight Mass, the choir will do O Holy Night.  At other Masses, they bring in an instrumentalist who does some random carols.  Sometimes it’s a harp, sometimes a violin.  One year it was a Mariachi duo with guitars, but they haven’t been back, Deo Gratias.
• The Recessional is Joy To the World, with an organ accompaniment that always makes my sister and I chuckle.

There’s a certain familiarity to all this though.  It becomes a part of Christmas traditions, and usually sparks some interesting conversation playing remember the time… on the car ride home after Mass — usually the most my family ever discusses things church related.  Invariably we’ll bring up the year the cantor messed up and started singing the Amen instead of “Christ has died…” or the year the drug addict came dancing down the aisle with a red rose during the Alleluia (dancing to the tune of the Celtic Alleluia).

Well, we had the same basic lineup this year, but instead of Psalm 98 being the Haugen and Haas setting, they used the setting of Psalm 96 with the proper Midnight Mass responsory as provided by OCP.

And, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I missed the music of Haugen and Haas at the psalm.  I can’t figure out why, because I am usually the first to lambast their music for the crap that it is, but somehow, it just didn’t feel right to NOT have that setting of the psalm at that point of the Mass.  It just seemed as much a part of Christmas as hanging stockings or baking.  So yes, I would rather have had the stylings of Marty Haugen and David Haas at that Mass.

Having confessed that, I am now off to repent in sackcloth and ashes for the duration of the octave.

–You may not want to read this post if you’ve recently eaten or are about to. –

Woke up this morning feeling a bit blah and feeling the chills.  Took my temperature and it’s a bit higher than normal.  I also seem to be blowing my nose a lot and have a lot of clear, watery discharge.

I think there’s something wrong with me though.  Not because of these symptoms.  But because when I realized it all, the thought that came to mind in attempting to diagnose this is: “Increased temperature and clear mucus secretions.  Either my nasal cavities have just ovulated, or I’m coming down with a cold.”

Yep.  I think I’m now qualified for a life membership in the CCL.

Post Script:  In case you’re wondering why I was looking at the color of my snot in the tissue, it’s because I tend to be prone to sinus infections, and observing what comes out of the nose can help diagnose if it’s a cold or something worse.  Clear means it’s likely the rhinovirus.  Thick and colored means it’s more likely sinusitis.

I told you to avoid this post if you’ve recently eaten.

The last couple posts have been a little “down” in tone, so I thought we needed some humor to lighten things up.  I take no credit for the following; it was forwarded to me but still somewhat funny.

 Christmas Cake

Ingredients:
* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 1 bottle tequila
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large
fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup… Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

The phone rings.  I answer.  A pleasant voice on the other end asks for me by my first name.  I answer that I am he.   She introduces herself as calling on behalf of some charity I’ve never even heard of but whose name sounds eerily familiar to another charity out there.  [If you've ever shopped a dollar store you've probably seen a similar phenomenon with the way they have Dunacell batteries and Limex watches.]  This organization (allegedly) exists to grant wishes to very sick children and they are running short on money right now and are at risk of not being able to grant the special wishes of several kids and they’re wondering if they can count on my support to help make a bunch of sick kids happy and most people just give $15 but I could certainly pledge more if I want or if I’m not comfortable with that I certainly could feel free to give less, like maybe $10 and I wouldn’t have to give my credit card number over the phone they can mail me their info and I can look them over once I commit to a pledge.  Yes, that was a run-on sentence, as was pretty much the spiel given by the lady on the phone.  

I indicated to her that I was not willing to pledge anything without getting some information in the mail.  She was willing to provide whatever info I wanted over the phone, but I was not going to budge about getting everything in the mail and then making my decision on whether they’d get a red cent out of me.  I’ve gotten into that trap before, where you say you might give a nominal amount, and then after reading the material they send you decide not to, and they call you and send you constant reminders and generally try to make you feel really bad about not following through on your pledge, even though you said you aren’t sure you’re going to support the cause.  She became frustrated and hung up.  Fine, no money for you.

I suppose since so many people have signed up for the do not call list, and because grubbing for money can somehow be loopholed out of the do not call laws, the telemarketing firms have started picking up non-profits as clients since they’ve trimmed back the credit card and timeshare businesses.  And I suppose it’s more cost-effective to cold-call people and try to get a response than to send out direct mail.  The salespeople can get pretty pushy and persistent on the phone.  So I can understand why charities are resorting to cold-calls to raise funds.

What I don’t understand in these cold-calling schemes is the reluctance to send material in the mail without first getting some sort of pledge on paper.  On numerous occasions I’ve asked people to mail me stuff to review, because I’m not going to just hand over the old credit card to a cold caller.  If I find the organization has a worthwhile mission (consonant with good moral values for instance) and uses their monies wisely, I am more than likely going to send them some nominal amount.  I am not going to do that over the phone, and I am not going to commit to funding an organization I’ve never heard of, especially if that organization has a suspicious-sounding name.  If you want my money, you should be willing to provide enough information about yourself and your situation to explain why you should get it.  And you should not have your agent get angry at me when I insist on these basic rules.

I feel somewhat bad in some of these cases when I end up not giving anything because I can’t get the information I want.  What if they’re legit?  What if $0.99 of every dollar goes to their mission, and little kids end up suffering because they didn’t get enough money to help pay their medical care?  On the other hand, for all I know this group could have been affiliated with Planned Parenthood, NARAL, the Democratic Party, or any other morally-repugnant group.  I don’t know if a portion of funds received goes to support embryonic stem cell research.  Or if 90% of their funds could go toward salaries for the board of directors.  Or it could be some fictitious organization operating out of a PO Box, or maybe just two parents of a kid with a cold who are looking to take Junior to Disney World for Christmas and want some help to defray the cost of a room at the Polynesian Resort.   I want to know before I engage in material cooperation with evil.

Or am I being too suspicious, and should I worry that at the end of time, I’ll be reckoned among the goats?  How do others handle these cold calls for cash?

I think everyone is disgusted with the blatant commercialism surrounding this time of year.  Not only the same drivel we hear year after year of everyone telling us to buy buy buy, but this year adding to it that the fate of America’s economy seems to depend on how much stuff we give each other for Christmas.

But honestly, I’m also starting to tire of hearing about the ”true meaning” of Christmas/the Holidays/the season/this time of year as expressed by so many.  By “true meaning” in air quotes, I mean those who posit that November and December exist for us to remember the less fortunate and spend time with family and friends.

Huh?

Examples:

• TV/Radio station invites you to ccelebrate the “true meaning of the season” by donating a toy/canned good/new or gently-used coat/money to the drive that they are co-sponsoring along with a department store/Marine Corps/Boy Scouts/other media outlet.
• TV chef gets on a show to talk about family recipes for turkey and stuffing and says getting together with family and friends for good food is “what the holidays are all about.”
• Office volunteer group invites us to get “into the spirit of the season” by adopting a less fortunate family so that the kids can get some Christmas holiday gifts.
• Some hack makes a statement that this time of year is all about being with the ones we love and remembering the less fortunate.
• A song talks about a boy who wants to buy some shoes for his dying mother but doesn’t have enough money, so the guy behind him in line puts down the cash so the boy could buy those shoes, and as a result, the guy realizes through the boy “what Christmas is all about.”

It’s as if somehow the impending approach of the winter solstice should somehow rekindle in man a desire of benevolence and familial longing.  Rubbish.

Lest you all dismiss me as the offspring of Ebeneezer Scrooge and the Grinch, I better explain.

There are multiple holidays celebrated this time of year, and they all have different reasons behind them:

• Thanksgiving:  A day to give thanks for graces received..  Allegedly going back to the pilgrims holding a big feast to give thanks God for His granting them the grace and favor of surviving that year at Plymouth.
• Hanukkah:  After being defiled by pagans, the Jewish temple is rededicated.  This celebration commemorates that rededication.  Incidentally, we celebrate this holiday in some form within Christianity.  Catholics [are supposed to] celebrate with some solemnity the anniversaries of the dedication of their own churches — that’s why the Dedication of the Lateran Basilica is a feast for the entire Latin church.
• Christmas:  The birth of Jesus.  The promise of redemption comes true.  Our Savior is born.
• New Year’s Day: It’s a new year.  Celebrate what happened in the past, and look forward to what might come.
• Kwanzaa:  who knows; who cares?

Let’s also keep in mind that of the list above, Christmas is the predominant holiday, and what really motivates all the gift-giving and benevolence; the world just likes to pretend that the others hold the same weight to be politically correct and so we end up with “the season.”  Regardless of what holidays you include, looking at the reason for their existance, nowhere do we see “family, friends, and the less fortunate.”

Yes, recalling these events should inspire us to celebrate and give gifts, to perform acts of charity, and t0 spend time with our loved ones.  But these celebrations and acts are void of all meaning if we don’t remember WHY we’re actually engaged in such activity.  The example of St. Nicholas comes to mind.  His acts of charity were motivated out of a love for Christ and others, not because it was December.  St. Francis encouraged the people to give more hay to their animals at Christmastime so that they too could celebrate the birth of Christ.  The motivation should always be centered on Christ, and historically, always was.  Until we’ve decided to remove Him from our culture and our lives.

Several years ago, I read a pastoral letter by, I believe, Cardinal Rigali.  He made a comment that was incredibly striking, which I paraphrase as follows:  We do not celebrate some generic excuse for gift-giving.  We celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I want to say to everyone who’s got all this backward, please, continue to encourage acts of charity.  Continue to ask us to remember the less fortunate because they certainly need our help.  Continue to ask us to donate to those who do without, not only at Christmas, but year-round.  Continue to remind us to get together with family and friends and loved ones, and continue to give us ideas on what we can do and how we can do it.  But please, don’t insult us by saying that is what this time of year is all about.  Don’t insinuate that the reason for all this is to make ourselves feel good by doing good.  Cuz it’s not.

Recall that climactic moment of A Charlie Brown Christmas, when a disgruntled Charlie Brown shouts out in despair ”ISN’T THERE ANYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT?”  And Linus replies: 

Sure Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about…. “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”  That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

That’s what Christmas is all about folks.

In the actuarial field, one of the big areas we work with is setting reserves. Simply put, reserves are money that is set aside now to pay for future expenses. We forecast what the claims expenses are, and then make sure there is money in the account to pay them. It gets tricky in that monies earned today need to be earmarked for an expense down the road. That expense may come in tomorrow, or it might wait a few months or even years, depending on when people submit their claims.  Models are developed to figure out how much needs to be put aside and for how long to cover what might come in.

By way of (poor) analogy, you could look at it as follows.  The same day you get your paycheck, the gas and electric bill come into the mail.  You immediately pay those bills from your check.  A few days later Comcast sends their bill, and you pay from your check.  You know that you have a mortgage payment to make in two weeks so you set aside money from your paycheck to pay that.  And you know that your sewer bill will be coming next quarter, so you set aside a pice of your check to pay that.  You’re not sure, but you think that they’re going to raise the sewer rates so you guess what it might be and set aside a bit more for it.  Something in the car is starting to rattle, and you have a feeling it’s going to need a mechanic, so you take  your check and throw some money into a car repair fund.  Then you set aside some into the rainy day fund, and whatever is left might be yours to use for fun and pleasure.

Same sort of principle for the insurance industry — we get the premium payments and have to figure out how much to set aside to pay for future claims.  Of course, unlike the household budget, we have to do it with billions of dollars, and across a variety of states and different plans, all with varied regulations.  If you don’t set aside enough, you’re going to end up bankrupt.  If you set aside too much, however, you could end up in some regulatory issues and have to give refunds or start charging less.  So, actuaries throughout the world devote their careers to figuring out exactly how much money needs to be immediately available and how much needs to be set aside for later.

It occurred to me this morning as I was setting up for Mass, that in my sacristy duties, I have the same job.  Only instead of with dollars, I’m dealing with the Eucharist.  Ideally, the priest would only consecrate as many hosts as necessary for the faithful.  There should be a few left over for the sick or for other services of Holy Communion that don’t involve Mass.   Also ideally, people should all receive hosts consecrated at the Mass, and not those reserved from earlier ones.

Too many hosts is bad:  The tabernacle gets full, hosts go stale, they could get moldy.  I’ve even heard stories of complaints from people Too few hosts is bad: you could run out, and people would be unable to receive the Sacrament.  Not a tragedy at a Tuesday morning Mass, but dire for someone who was whisked to the ER and requests viaticum and the last rites.

So, in my sacristan duties, I need to make sure that we have enough reserves to handle what may come up later, but also to make sure that we don’t have too much in reserve.  Just like, if I were on the reserving team at my office (and I’m not, thankfully), I’d have to work to ensure there was enough money to pay the future bills, but not so much that we get into trouble.  An interesting meeting of the two worlds in which I live.

Now, I suppose I could be a real geek and develop a variety of mathematical and actuarial models to determine exactly how many hosts one should set out for a particular Mass, but, we’ll save that for someone else.

We interrupt your blog-reading to bring you the following important public service announcement.

Today is December 8, the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception. It is a Holy Day of Obligation. This is one of the few Holy Days in the USA where the precept to attend Mass is not waived if the celebration falls on a Saturday or a Monday. [bonus - who can name the other(s)?]

Please make sure you go to Mass today. Or went last night, and didn’t use that as fulfillment your Sunday obligation.

This concludes this public service announcement. Now back to your regular blog reading.

I came across the following New York Times Article.  It just begged for a good fisking — the first I’ve done on this blog I think.  Following the Father Z. lead, I’ve added my emphasis and [my comments]. 

N.B. I am blanking out the name of the company as *****  and the name of the product as ##### here.  Don’t want to get into any kind of trouble.

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