The Musings of a Magyar

Filled up the gas tank yesterday.  For the first time ever, it required more than $50 to do so.  I remember not too long ago when I bought the car how if I needed more than $20 to fuel up, it meant my tank was pretty darn close to empty.  Sigh.

I think most people know that I used to work for an absolutely evil and useless boss who got to her position by lying, cheating, stealing other peoples’ work, and some have speculated even sexual favors.  Deo gratias I no longer work for that evil troll, but I still have to work in close enough proximity to her that I can’t help but seethe most days.  Usually the thought of having to interact with the evil one is enough to make me cringe.

The other day, a colleague made some reference to the fact that I always have something negative to say whenever her name is brought up.  I played along with the joke as she “tested” me by saying the Beast of Revelation’s name a few times, and each time I said someting in response.  Haha, it’s just a game.

But here’s the problem.  I was in a meeting today, and there is a new person on the project with the same first name as the rotting sack of human waste.  And I realized after the meeting that every time this poor new person’s name was mentioned, I cringed and had thoughts of something awful and insulting.  So for example someone said that Madame X was going to update this, and what popped into my mind was “evil whore.”  Later, we were told to make sure Madame X was included in any emails we sent, and my first thought was “ugly bitch.”

I feel like I’m one of Pavlov’s dogs.  Only instead of a bell causing me to drool, the mere mention of a name causes me to turn into an angry monster.

I have two problems as I see it.  1) I will have to amend my Act of Contrition to say “…and avoid all sin and the near occasion of sin, except that I have to go to work on Monday and I can’t be responsible for what happens.”  2)  I have to explain to this new person — who is probably very nice — that despite what comes out of my mouth, in no way should she think that SHE is a mean, rotten, no-good, evil, condescending, ugly, vindictive, back-stabbing, glory-stealing corporate whore who looks like a bunch of rats chewed up her face before it was washed in concentrated battery acid.

Yeah, any suggestions on how to ’splain that to the newbie?

I’ve been meaning to comment on the recent Papal Masses in the USA, and the bilingual element they seemed to incorporate. Before proceeding, I’ll make it clear that I did not catch the D.C. fiasco, and I have no real intention of trying to find it I’ll stick to the beautifully done liturgies of St. Patrick’s Cathedral and Yankee Stadium. Despite their beauty, on tuning in to both, I was struck by the ubiquitous insertion of Spanish throughout the Mass. This disturbed me.

I’ll leave my thoughts on the whole immigration and cultural/linguistic assimilation matter for another post. For now, let’s just say that 1) it seems to be an insult to all the other ethnic groups that comprise big chunks of American Catholicism to not throw in their language and 2) changing between languages in a single liturgical unit is just silly.

To point 1, the USA has a history of immigrant populations that brought their Catholic culture and identity with them, many of whom still retain that identity and their native tongue. There were and still are many Italian, German, Polish, Slavic, German, Vietnamese, and Korean populations out there, to name a few. And let’s not forget the influence of Eastern Catholicism as well in this country. In addition to Spanish, why didn’t they include Ukrainian and Slavonic, and maybe some Polish and Vietnamese?

To point 2, I’m thinking specifically of the “Spanglish” psalms. I think it makes sense for a distinct liturgical element to be done in a single language. For instance, at a young adult conference, the celebrant tried to include Spanish throughout the Eucharistic Prayer, but it came off silly. The Lord be with you…. Levántanse las corazones….Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.” At least he kept the consecration in one language. I see the same awkwardness with “Lord Send out Your Spirit, y renuéva la faz de la tierra.”

It just seems silly hablar en lenguas varios mikor probálsz egy dólgot mondani because the average ember nem fog tudni todas. Por ejemplo en este paragraph I’m going between három nyelvek és nekkem is difícil entender que I’m trying to say. Sure, es divertido olvasni esztet, és it was fun tratar de escribir változni egytûl a másikra, but nem hisszem hogy te, estimado lector, appreciate it.

Just my 2 cents/2 centavos/2 fillér.  

I’m getting sick of the news media reporting that His Holiness Benedict XVI is “only the third pope ever to address the United Nations.”

Shall we do some quick checking?  The UN was chartered in 1945.  Since then, there have been 6 popes:  Pius XII, John XXIII, Paul VI, JPI, JPII, and B16.  John Paul I can hardly count; he was probably still trying to get all his furniture moved into the Apostolic Palace when he was called home.  So really, there are only 5 popes who could have addressed the UN.  I think that puts things into a bit more perspective, no?

I was thinking about how awful some of the translations are in the Mass. I’m not necessarily just talking about using inaccurate (Et Cum Spiritu Tuo = And also with you) or less than precise (“cup” instead of “chalice”) English words, but also the completely awkward sentence structures, especially in the scripture passages. I often quip with another one of the weekday sacristans/lectors that the readings sound like something Yoda would say.
So, I got to wondering today what it would be like if something like the “Our Father” were to get into their distorting hands. I don’t know how long the Lord’s Prayer has had its current English form, but I’m fairly certain it goes back further than 1970. So, I let my imagination do its worst, and I came up with the following. I’m sure with more time, I could make it even worse.
Parental figure who lives in the heavens,
praise you we do.
May we always do what you ask
Like the angels and saints have done.
Provide for all our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs
And be nice to us,
As nice we try to be even to those who aren’t nice to us.
And keep us out of trouble and away from all the bad folks.
Amen.

Anyone want to try to come up with something worse in the comments?

The theme of this visit is ‘Christ Our Hope,’ not ‘Benedict our Pope.’  — Fr. Richard John Neuhaus discussing, on EWTN, the visit of the Pope.

Birds everywhere, chirping outside your window when you’re trying to sleep, and making messes on your windshield.

Trees blooming, spreading buds and making a mess on the sidwalks and your car.

Flowers being planted or coming back to life and spewing pollen everywhere.

It’s already warm and humid — the air conditioner has been on the last few days.

Spring has sprung!

Exactly how long till we hit Fall and everything dies again?

A few hundred people show up at the Olympic Torch parades in Paris and San Francisco to protest the human rights violations committed by China and Tibet and it is a front page story and the top story on the  evening news.

A few hundred thousand people show up in Washington D.C. to protest the human rights violations committed by the U.S.A. in the form of legalized abortion, and it barely gets a few sentences.

…and you are right behind me, don’t get all pissy at me when I drive at exactly the speed limit.  Further, don’t make obscene gestures at me when you get a chance to pass.  From my rearview mirror, all I see is a Crown Vic.  And I’m not about to speed up on a gamble that you aren’t an unmarked car looking for an easy ticket no matter how much you ride my rear end.  Sorry, it’s not worth the risk, no matter how much of a hurry you may be in.  Next time you’re car shopping, buy a car that isn’t the same model as about 90% of the police cars out there.

My fortune from lunch today:  “Today is a good day for you to have a talk with your friend.”

So, who out there needs a talking to?  Let me know if it’s you, and I’ll give you a call.  Any topic or concern welcome.